The No Fun Tree

In an attempt at eco-responsibility we decided last year to invest in an artificial tree from Costco. It came with its own lights already entwined on every bow. We bought early to avoid the rush, assembled and decorated it for Dec. 1. Guests commented on how real it looked and how the only thing missing was the lovely pine fragrance. It was lovely until December 23 when the lights quit working, just in time for the big day. Gord and our son, Brendan, strung working lights over the non-working lights and jury-rigged it so no one could tell. Needless to say we took the tree back after Christmas, which looked suspicious but had to be done.

This year, we did the same thing. Bought the tree and set it up for December 1. Exactly one week before Christmas the lights died. We didn’t string new lights this time. We left the thing dark and Gord named it the No Fun Tree. Today I undecorated it, tomorrow we will take it apart and once again, take it back to Costco. If we thought last year looked suspicious, it is nothing compared to this year. I wonder if Costco keeps records of people who return things. Why is it that guilt persists even when I have done nothing to earn it?

I don’t have to buy another tree of the same until next year but we are seriously considering other options. Tonight, however, with our No Fun Tree still standing tall and dark in our barenaked living room we reminice on the old days when real trees were the most fun trees. But in my experience, artificial or real, guilt is sure.