December 14, 2012
I am busy at the sewing machine putting the final touches on a couple of Christmas gifts tonight. While my hands guide the fabric my heart guides contemplative space and the process feels good.
My thoughts are grateful ones these days as I recall Christmases past and all the happy times I have known in this family I helped to create. It’s amazing to me that my marriage is still intact (and thriving!) and that my kids seem to be doing quite well. Honestly, I am amazed. If you knew me at 19, you would be amazed too.
When I met my husband I felt like a broken toy; completely unlovable. By the grace of God and Gord’s steady love, we built a family and I devoted myself to making sure our kids would never know that kind of despair. I jumped into parenting with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. The thousand decisions I made as a mom were made prayerfully and with a great deal of forethought. No, they were not perfect but they were intentional and always with the best interest of my child in mind.
There are few greater joys for me than having my whole family together and I love Christmastime for that. But it’s more than about being together. It’s celebrating the gift of the Child, who by His love, widened my heart, healed my brokenness, created in me the ability to grow a family with the man I adore. I need a Saviour and being loved by Him provides what I need to let my adult children be who they are. I need a Saviour alright, and my kids are not it.
Is there pain in letting go? Yes. And fear that they won’t ever come back. Christmases are already beginning to look different around here and we are all adjusting. My best thoughts on this are these. My kids know they can make decisions that will take them away from me and I will never withhold my love from them. My heart is always open toward them. They go because they know my love can accommodate their freedom. And that is a high compliment.
Whatever is going on for you this Christmas in terms of community or family, I hope you know the deep love of God in your life. You are worthy of that love and all the dignity that goes with it.
Merry Christmas, friends.
An excellent post, thanks. BTW, perhaps now is the time to get a pitbull. 🙂
Thank you on the first comment and, um, no thank you on the second. Gord says I would first need a different husband if I were to get a dog.