Gentle Grace

Sometimes it takes meeting someone who exudes what you want for your own life to give a sense of direction and hope. I met Judy and her husband, Karl, nearly 30 years ago through Young Life, a ministry to unchurched teens. I have never known her well but we bump into one another now and again in a store or at camp or through mutual friends. Something I love about her is her quiet and steady kindness. Even amidst life’s crazy circumstances of raising 3 boys, living in a coastal community where she quietly contributes to the betterment of people around her, and suddenly losing her husband to a heart attack while he was at the halfway mark of the Vancouver Sun Run a couple of years ago, she maintains a classic dignity that evokes trust and wonder.

I saw her at a funeral last month and her gentle grace is ever more gentle and gracious as she enters her 7th decade.

I want what she has. What is it that contributes to a wise character such as this?

Sometimes it’s good to take a look at the reverse. Proverbs says, “fools openly spread slander”. (chapter 10)

And then a bit of instruction from St. Paul helps, “…serious, not deceitful, reverent, not trying to use their power to run things, dependable, not sharp-tongued, not overfond of wine, committed to spouses, attentive to their own children, diligent in looking after their own affairs, serving others…those who do this will be highly respected.” (I Timothy 3)

And finally, “A woman of gentle grace gets respect. When you are kind to others, you help yourself: when you are cruel to others, you hurt yourself.” (Proverbs 11)

I think discipline is evident in gentle and gracious behaviour and it can’t become a reality without practice. Every slight, every criticism, every misunderstanding and occasion for blame is an opportunity to practice the discipline of responding with gentle grace. My own responses are aimed at this target but I often shoot too high or too low or way off in the distance. After each failure, I encourage myself with the hope that at least I know what I’m aiming for.

Judy seems to have the response well in-hand but to be honest, I don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors. I suspect the decision to consistently answer with wisdom and love results from agonizing prayer at times. You can see why we need models like Judy in our world. Otherwise, the entire thing would seem quite hopeless.

These next words help me on my way toward being a woman of gentle grace, through a good deal of practice and sideways attempts at the target that I long to hit with greater consistency.

“Watch the way you talk. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4)

Lord, thank you for Judy. Please cultivate the same responses in me, by your own gentle grace.