Community

Posted on May 21, 2011 by sandi

First off, let me just say that “Auto Draft” as you see in title is a default setting I am trying to fix.  The title of this post (on the right side of your screen) is “Community”. Sorry for any inconvenience.

As a young person, forming existential thoughts around my place in family and beyond, I came to the mistaken conclusion that I was really on my own and if I wanted good for myself, it was going to be up to me. That kind of faulty thinking has taken some time to correct. My friend calls it, “lower self” thinking. I love that she has been in this head space before me.

The other bit of lower thinking that has misled me is that the need for isolation is quite necessary for an introverted personality. I call myself a friendly introvert, a quirk confirmed by Meyers-Briggs, the I Ching of personality indicators. Mr. Meyers and Mr. Briggs indicate that quiet time alone is the bubble bath of regenerators for introverts just as a weekend of partying is for extroverts. Yes, we need different settings to take care of ourselves but taking that “alone” thing to an extreme has led me to justify extended periods of isolation. My pastor once said, “The one the devil wants to destroy, he first isolates”. His statement reminds me of the scene in The Blue Planet  DVD where the pack of wolves separate a young ibex from the herd, chase and tire it then move in for the kill. Isolation can lead to some pretty dark times where the feeling of loneliness can be deadly. I hear it can be terrifying.

Anyway, my point is that it’s hard to know what bits of a worldview are going to be helpful to a wholesome, productive, joy-filled life until a few of these things have been tried. That’s when you know if they work or not. It’s also when you realize how helpful other peoples’ lives are. Observing how people live and paying attention to how that plays out saves me a great deal of grief.

For the first time in my adult life, I live in a regular sort of neighbourhood. I see the kids behind us jumping on the trampoline and sharing a picnic on their deck. I love hearing their small voices drawing long and complicated pretend stories where the princess is often rescued by her hero and a feast satisfies when she isn’t.

Neighbourhoods are a great way to share resources too. Chris and Barb in the next yard over were pouring a concrete deck so we laid down a small sidewalk at the same time. We hired Brad, another neighbour, to build the forms. Garden tools are borrowed and lent, we help carry heavy things, I stepped in as temporary babysitter for Alyssa’s girls when her puppy jumped the fence and ran down the street. That was the time 2 year old Elizabeth taught me to draw Bambi with sidewalk chalk. I love living here among friends and in community.

Isolation doesn’t work for me. Community is a gift and I am beginning to think I was made for this!

Posted in Community, Home, Ladysmith, Musings | Leave a comment

Generations

Posted on May 8, 2011 by sandi

My in-laws dropped by the other day for a visit. It sounds spontaneous but because we live 30 minutes south of them we all have to be intentional about our get-togethers. It so happened that our little granddaughter was also here for a visit. It was great fun to watch their interaction.

Today, our kids and their spouses all came for dinner. A friend conveniently (and generously!) dropped 3 lbs of prawns off earlier in the afternoon so we all enjoyed a westcoast feast! It’s a rare occasion when we’re all together so we decided to capture it on film. Notice how full we all look.

It’s a special Mother’s Day this year in our family as it’s our daughter first. Happy very first Mother’s Day, Amanda! It’s a joy to watch you love your baby so well. Breakfast in bed isn’t too far off.

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, new and old! Also, blessings on those who have lost beloved moms too. May the day be more sweet than sorrowful and your memories be ones that bring warmth and gladness to your heart. Loving, caring moms are one of life’s greatest treasures!

Posted in Family, Grandparenting | 1 Comment

Decisions, Decisions

Posted on May 5, 2011 by sandi

How do you make decisions? Choosing ice cream flavours is pretty easy. Deciding where to spend time and money is more difficult. Determining which of my children I will save from the gas chamber (Sophie’s Choice) is something I hope never to be faced with! It’s an exercise in annoyance or delight and sometimes terror and regret.

What is it that propels you off in one direction or another? And what’s it like for you once you’ve settled on something?

Someone I know flips a coin to measure emotional response. The exercise isn’t a deciding factor but it helps her gauge what she wants in her gut for the moment. Someone else I know researches the options via the Internet and by talking with people. Someone else measures every large decision around a carefully constructed and written set of values and life philosophy. Usually people employ a combination of these.

The process of decision-making can make you crazy or it can be tremendously freeing. If you make a lot of decisions then you probably have a process that works for you. I love it when that happens. When we were considering whether or not to homeschool many years ago, we developed a system for decision-making that served us well. I felt relief once the decision was made as it gave me the freedom to move forward, for better or for worse. I still use that process today for the big stuff.

One way I like to consider the topic of decision-making is to watch how others do it. You may have gathered that. Some people consistently make good decisions – in my mind, at least. Some people continually make bad ones. The bad ones are usually made in haste without consideration for how that choice will affect others and reflect a failure to be true to the person deciding. For most of us, we’re somewhere in between. We win some, we lose some. If I can learn from my mistakes, then I don’t really consider the outcome a total loss.

I have found it helpful to ask myself:

  • Where is God in this?
  • Is it possible? Is it plausible?
  • Does it reflect my values, priorities, convictions?
  • Does it hurt/help others? How?
  • What’s the cost? (what do I need, what will I risk, what will I ask my family and friends to risk?)
  • What’s the benefit/return? (to myself and others)
  • Why am I considering it?
  • Why shouldn’t I?
  • Who else do I know and respect has done this and what do they say about the experience?
  • Do my circumstances lend themselves to this?
  • Is there support and where will it come from? (emotional, spiritual, intellectual)

 

I read somewhere that the most important quality of a leader is the ability to make good decisions. We are all leaders, in a sense, because we lead ourselves. Even for those of us who believe and do our best to live in submission under God’s strong hand – we have the freedom of choice.

How’s the decision-making process for you?

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Celebrating the Beautiful

Posted on April 9, 2011 by sandi

Saltspring Island is one of the most beautiful places on earth and, lucky for us, that’s where our son-in-law is working these days. He and his little family are camping out on their 25’ sailboat at Ganges Harbour during the week so a two day excursion and visit was in order. It’s a quick trip from Ladysmith; 20 minute drive to the Crofton ferry, a 30 ferry ride, then a 10 minute drive from Vesuvius to Ganges. All this with scenic views of coastal snow-capped mountains, deep blue waters, a myriad of wildlife, and pastoral Gulf Islands. We feasted upon it all and felt much refreshed at the end. This is God’s country, to be sure!

Yet, the sights and sounds weren’t even close to the highlight for us. The miracle of our little grandbaby surpassed it all. I know most grandparents say the same of their little ones and now I understand why.

If you will allow me…

Already her conversational skills are far beyond what you might expect for a child of 4 months. At one point, while her Papa held her in his arms at eye level, face to face, she began a dialogue that included a mixed variety of coos, squeaks, and gurgles, matched by his responses. It was a conversation that lasted nearly 5 minutes. I asked her dad if this is regular kind of behaviour for her and he said that as long as someone repeats her sounds, she will just keep going. We anticipate that this is the first sign of her exceptional linguistic abilities and warned her parents that there will be times when it won’t seem like such a gift, especially if her demands for their responses increase with time and development. We can say such things because her mother both challenged and blessed us in similar ways.

If you let me, I could go on and on about her other amazing qualities but I won’t. It’s such a joy to be focusing on the normal kinds of baby things these days. The joy is greater even than it might be if Gabrielle was a healthy, whole little girl because we know that we have been spared the sorrow of losing her. An overwhelming sense of gratitude and celebration is never far from our hearts.

Posted in Faith, Family, Grandparenting, Travel | 1 Comment

Words from a Friend

Posted on April 7, 2011 by sandi

“May my teaching drop as the rain,

My speech distill as the dew,

Like gentle rain upon the tender grass,

And like showers upon the herb

For I will proclaim the name of the Lord:

Ascribe greatness to our God!” Deut. 32:2-3

My first meeting with Henri Nouwen came by surprise in a book store, of all places. When he spoke, his voice had the tenor of humility and grace as well as sophisticated intelligence. I liked him right away. I learned not long after that he was also a man of tremendous honesty and insecurity. His accomplishments were many, varied and lauded by such institutions as Harvard, Yale and later on, by his colleague and friend Jean Vanier as well as at the L’Arche communities in France and Toronto.

The thing I loved about Henri was his childlike expression of wonder at the deep and personal relationship with God at God’s initiative. It was there he found healing, acceptance and strength for the inner turmoil he often experienced as is common with those who are destined to dwell with hungry minds.

Henri taught at two Ivy League universities as well as living and working with the poor in South America and finally serving as chaplain then assistant to severely mentally and physically handicapped people in the L’Arche community. In the 7th decade of his life, he admitted to finding a far greater sense of peace and fulfillment in the latter community. He wrote prolifically about his experiences in all realms of experience.

He died a few years ago and I really miss him, even if our connection was only literary. I feel so grateful that I can still find his familiar voice in the writings he left behind. I can count on his words to fall like gentle rain and showers as he faithfully ascribes greatness to our God! Such a joy!

Posted in Faith, Literature, Musings | Leave a comment

The Book

Posted on April 5, 2011 by sandi

When my family lived in Kelowna during the duplex days, so I was younger than 5, I was given a little white Bible with a shiny, bumpy cover and colour illustrations of Jesus smattered throughout. The onion skin pages crinkled when I turned them and the writing looked especially black against the page. How I wished I could read because somehow I knew that true beauty could be found in these words .

That Bible is long gone, regrettably, but my love for God’s Word grows more compelling every day.

Why should it, really? Isn’t the Bible just a book? Yes, it’s a tangible piece of work, with concreteness and weight. The words themselves are old; really old. Nothing special, right? That’s what one might think.

The marvel is in its aliveness. I wonder how it can speak into my immediate circumstance with such relevance. It says itself that the power behind it is Spirit-driven, God-breathed and that makes a lot of sense. How else, really?

In many ways God’s Word is like my kitchen garden. The seeds are sown, settle into the soil, are warmed by the air, fed by the sun and watered by the rains of life. In response food and flowers grow; that is the mysterious, miraculous part.

Have you heard the saying, “Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”? Truly, the words I find in my Bible feed me, nourish me, cultivate health and vitality in me, and give a sense of inclusion in creation itself.

“In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden in your life.” James 1:21

Posted in Faith, Literature | 2 Comments

Textural Creativity

Posted on April 5, 2011 by sandi

When we were in Nova Scotia last summer we stopped in at an art gallery in Lunenburg because the sign on the window said, “Art Quilts”. The town itself hung off the side of a steep slope that fell into the North Atlantic, a quaint fishing town in days past and now a tourist thoroughfare for people on their way to Peggy’s Cove.

The woman behind the book table was small like me, a bit older and in her soft-spoken manner, talked about the different pieces of work displayed around the room. Many were prints of original work. Larry, her husband, was already in conversation with my husband, explaining new photography technique and camera equipment. He compared previous photos to more recent ones and my husband marveled at the clarity. My man loves efficient gadgets, especially of the electronic sort.

Laurie and Larry talked us through the history of her work, his publishing involvement and the latest project on the docket. (If you look carefully in the belly of the vertical fish you will see a hologram of Laurie’s son . The work is entitled Jonah)

As we made our way back to the car, I imagined myself organizing workshops in partnership with local quilt shops at home where I could sit at Laurie’s feet learning her thread and fabric artistry. It hasn’t happened yet but I hope it will. Her work reflects texturally the uniqueness of Canadian history, culture and geography, and besides, it is just lovely to look at.

Breaking Ground, The Hogg's Hollow Disaster 1960Many of her quilts commemorate Canadians who have lived and died in exception circumstances. They include the 16 men lost at sea (Lost at Sea, 1961) in the “Storm that broke Lockport’s heart,” the Hogg’s Hollow Disaster (Breaking Ground, 1960), and Pulling Together, Laurie’s first community quilt marking the memory and sacrifice of the builders of the Rideau Canal, 1826-1832.

These pieces remind me of a George Eliot quote I once heard, “If art does not enlarge men’s sympathies, it does nothing morally.” Laurie’s quilts work well in the moral sphere and it’s only one reason I enjoy them so much. But it’s not the only reason. You can see why by visiting her website at: http://www.artquiltpublishing.com/

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People Places

Posted on March 19, 2011 by sandi

Being with people is one of those things that I mostly love. Children and old people are some of my favourites. There’s something about the candidness of both that refreshes and invokes a freedom that, in my mind at least, lets me be more me.

As much as I love people, I have a lot of trouble in crowds. Whether it’s a movie theatre, the celebration of the start of a marriage or a Sunday service, sometimes I feel the power of the collective threatening to assimilate me and I begin to hear voices chanting, “Resistance is futile.” But because I value the experience on some level I compensate by focusing on a handful of individuals in an attempt to make meaningful connections. Otherwise, I am awash in noise and confusion. Have you found yourself in a room full of people and felt conversationally pulled every which way? It’s the kind of thing that incapacitates me. I freeze.

It’s ironic that spending time alone makes me better in community. There are times when I need to be by myself in order to accomplish something or to be quiet with my thoughts or simply to rest. When I do spend time by myself I feel energized. That prompts me to seek companionship. I am more attentive, more able to enter into another’s world, more patient with foibles and more in wonder at the beauty of God’s creation in this incredibly amazing person who chooses to spend her time with me!

Someone once said to me, “don’t isolate!” At the time I wondered if she was projecting her own tendencies onto what may have seemed to her to be my tendencies. Someone else quoted, “Whom the devil wishes to destroy, he first isolates.” I can see the merit in these bits of advice and like most advice, context is everything. But solitude is not the same as isolation. As I see it, isolation is an avoidance of people and negatively propelled. Solitude is loving people from a temporarily quiet place so as to create an atmosphere where better interaction between people can take place. The Greeks call that exchange, “koinonia”, the Hebrews say, “Shalom” and the Hawaiian’s refer to it as “Aloha”. All three expressions move past the veneer of surface socialization toward deep communion, camaraderie and sometimes, even the miraculous.

“…he (Jesus) slipped away by boat to an out-of-the-way place by himself.”

“On return, they beached the boat…when people got word he was back, they sent out word through the neighbourhood and rounded up all the sick, who asked for permission to touch the edge of his coat. And whoever touched him was healed.”

Posted in Faith, Girlfriends, Musings | Leave a comment

The Onus of Ownership

Posted on March 19, 2011 by sandi

I’m not altogether comfortable with the label ‘land-owner’. It’s what I am in legal terms, however, the whole concept of owning land feels weighty and undeserved and on the other hand, commonplace and expected. I came into this world without a stitch and I will leave it in the same way. All that I gather in between will eventually be someone else’s. I know and accept this. In fact, it’s what keeps me from claiming any identity in connection with my possessions.

My growing appetite around this topic turns me toward three reliable teachers: life, people and the Bible. What do these three sources say about land ownership for me?

The Bible talks about giants of the faith who, “acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on earth.” It also instructs the Hebrews who were dragged off to Babylon after Jerusalem fell to, “build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce…seek the welfare of the city where you have settled for your welfare is tied up in their welfare.”

“The land belongs to all, not to the rich; and yet those who are deprived of its use are many more than those who enjoy it.” Ambrose, 5th century

“That bread which you keep belongs to the hungry; that coat which you preserve in your wardrobe, to the naked; those shoes which are rotting in your possession, to the shoeless; that gold which you have hidden in the ground (or your safety deposit box), to the needy. Wherefore, as often as you were able to help others, and refused, so often did you do them wrong.” Basil of Caesarea

I’m tempted to stop writing here as the sheer force of these words pins me to the wall! How often have I done wrong by passively refusing to help others by keeping what I have to myself?

Setting these truths down in black and white show my pecuniary responsibilities for what they are. That’s a healthy place as well as a freeing place for me. I am gradually waking up to the fact that land ownership (and ownership in general) has attached to it a cost far beyond its list price and living exilically means living open-handedly, prayerfully, and intentionally.

Where does this leave me? The land ownership title still rankles but in light of the wisdom of these sages, my direction for the use of what I own is clearer and best of all, it reaches far beyond the confines of this life. Now there’s the bit that settles.

Posted in Home, Musings | Leave a comment

Warning in Waikiki

Posted on March 11, 2011 by sandi

At 12:15 a.m the tsunami sirens rang and emergency vehicles sounded their PA systems to direct Waikiki residents and visitors to tune into local media. We heard the noise but didn’t tune in until this morning and that’s when we learned of the devastation in Japan and the tsunami threat here on Oahu.

By that time the warning was an advisory and so we took to the streets to find out for ourselves what this might mean for Hawaiians and her Japanese visitors. Very few Japanese were walking this morning. We guessed they were trying to reach loved ones or couldn’t unglue themselves from the dramatic images on their TV sets. For the ones we did see, I so wanted to convey my condolences but hardly knew how.

Instead, we took photos of things rarely seen in Waikiki. Hundreds of boats offshore, surf-sized waves and evidence of an overly high tide, and then the racks and racks of waiting surfboards. Since the beaches are officially closed, no lifeguards are on duty. All subtle reminders to pray for our friends in Japan.

Posted in News, Travel | 1 Comment