At Regent, I am learning that definitions are important. They give us a location from which to begin. May I?
Empathy is “the dynamic cognitive-affective process of joining with and understanding another’s subjective experience…In true empathetic exchange, each is both object and subject, mutually engaged in affecting and being affected, knowing and being known.” (Women’s Growth in Diversity by J.V. Jordan).
An example might help. Last weekend, we packed up the car and headed to Warm Beach, Washington for the annual Regent Retreat. As the weekend came to a close and campers were packing up, children gathered in the large hall to wait for parents. My granddaughter, Eilidh, and I settled on the couch to practice ‘sitting’ and in no time, were surrounded by a cluster of little girls. Eilidh’s mama came and collected her for a diaper change while I stayed behind to continue the delightful conversation. The girls asked if Eilidh was my baby. “Nope, I am her Grandma.”
One wee girl said, “My Grandma is in New Zealand and I miss her so much,” and climbed in beside me for a cuddle. I wrapped my arms around her and we snuggled for a bit before she scampered away to her own mama. Oh, sweetness!
Just as sweet is the beautiful story of Ruth and Naomi, where I find myself this evening.
Naomi’s empty arms made room for Ruth’s longing for connection and Ruth’s empathetic care freed Naomi to express her need to nurture and love. Theirs was a relationship of empathy and mutuality – fostering clarity, authenticity and intimacy, shaping one another in the exchange. A lovely, life-giving connection.
Conversely, when relationships are off balance, one party dominating the other, the experience is stagnation and inhibited growth at best, and violence at worst. The longing for connection is met with the reality of disconnection and both parties are devalued.
Empathy and mutuality move both persons toward wholeness, just like Ruth and Naomi. Even if incrementally, like my little friend and I at Warm Beach. It was one of the many and varied empathetic and mutually edifying encounters at the Regent Retreat. Lovely and life-giving!
