With no cell coverage and no Blackberry I am not posting or sharing photos of our travels as we go. I look forward to doing that when we get home. Until then…
Joy and Joy
On our way home from Seattle last Friday, we swung by Vancouver to collect our son, our daughter-in-law and our wee-est of granddaughters. She napped on the ferry, Little Miss Bean, smiled at everyone who made eye-contact, and charmed even those who tried not to. Once in Ladysmith, she made herself quite at home, scooting along the floor, pulling books from the bottom shelves and snuggling with Grandpa. She is the epitome of sunshine and happiness at the full age of 11 months.
The next day, they all boarded the ferry and took transit home, along with everyone else returning from spring break!
And the very next day, we drove to Schwarz Bay and met our biggest of granddaughters who is all of 3 and brought her to Ladysmith for a sleepover at Nannie and Grandpa’s. Monday the sun was out and our back porch turned picnic/campground warmed up enough to afford an afternoon collecting edible flowers, baby strawberry plants and herbs for her very own garden on Pender Island. She slept under the Pink Boxes Quilt she helped sew over these past winter months and we walked, umbrellas in hand, to the playground to check out the new fountain.
Through my granddaughters I am learning the meaning of joy, that un-strived-for, laugh-out-loud, life-giving, intoxicating kind of joy. Thank you, Amanda and Marc, and James and Siobhan, for sharing your daughters with me!
Posted in Family, Grandparenting, Outdoors, Play
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Foam and Nonsense
It’s tough to find books on humility. Humilitas, from my course reading list is pretty good, written by an Ozzie named John Dickson. He starts out by saying, “the most influential and inspiring people are often marked by humility” (page 19) and he goes on to visit characters we know by name. Sir Edmund Hilary, Gandhi, Dr. Albert Schweitzer and GK Chesterton, the latter of whom he quotes as saying, “human pride is in fact the engine of mediocrity. It fools us into believing that we have ‘arrived’, that we are complete, that there is little else to learn. Humility, by contrast, reminds us that we are small and incomplete and so urges us on toward the heights of artistic, scientific and societal endeavor.” (from Orthodoxy)
Along with all this ‘humble’ contemplation, I have been thinking about the ways in which I sabotage my own good. Have you thought about that? Maybe everyone does and I am just slow to the plate.
The pride of life focuses on achievement, status, and an illusion of power. It also tends to be reactive (‘panic in search of a trigger’), placates (herding instinct), focuses on ways in which others have let us down (blame), and defaults to a quick-fix mentality (low pain threshold). Arrogance is all foam and nonsense. Like a bad cup of cappuccino. Allowing myself to coddle the lie that I am somehow complete, that there is little else to learn, sabotages what I am designed for. It seriously limits my capacity to grow, and to appreciate ways others – especially diverse others – engage together to enrich that growth.
My Women’s Voices prof at Carey says, “Learning is for the brave!” Yes, and courage is evidence of humility. The cool thing about humility is its relational qualities. Every person, whether we know them well – as in family – or not so well – as in a stranger on the street – has the capacity to influence and inspire, if we are alert to their unique otherness. That takes stepping outside of what we know and being open to expose our limitations.
St Paul’s thoughts are helpful, “I don’t want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you’d encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk…I take my limitations in stride and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size…I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (I Cor. 12.6-10)
Dear God, guard me from mediocrity and sabotage, even by my own hand. Thanks for my limitations and the good cheer they bring me. Help me forget to be humble and just be it.
Posted in Faith, Humility, Learning, Musings, Regent College
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Beauty Rest
I came across a blog post recently (http://beautythatmoves.typepad.com/beauty_that_moves/) and was intrigued by her offer of an online month-long retreat of sorts. It’s called Hibernate and is a forum for sharing home-based indoor – she lives in Maine, afterall – restorative activities throughout the month of January. Yes, I realize it’s a bit late to be telling you all this now. Sorry about that.
Amidst studying, hospital visits, reading and a brief beachside stay in Tofino, I am finding rest in hibernation mode. I long to live more quietly, listening beyond what people say, listening beyond the weather report and growing attentive to the world in which I find myself. There are things – thinking kinds of things – that I have taken for granted without even knowing it and now as a professional learner (yes, I will likely be in school for quite some time) those ideas are being de-constructed to reveal truth where I have believed a lie, or at least a version of someone else’s truth that has become my own without my permission. How does that happen?
Taking time away from the tyranny of the urgent to create contemplative habits that bring a peaceful presence to others in our harried world is helped by simply being quiet and cozy amidst candles and wine. But true rest comes by growing in awareness that this world is ever-so-much bigger than my ideas. Learning has not meant that everything is tossed into the air for review but a lot is. The thing that anchors it all is God’s immense and generous love. Wide, broad, deep and high. Beyond any of my small ideas that have attempted to contain Him.
De-construction can be terrifying. Many lose their faith in the process. But I have found it strangely comforting and therein, the rest is beautiful.
Posted in Creativity, Faith, Home, Imagination, Musings, Play
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Stillness
I believe in diving in at the deep end and living intensely on purpose.
January’s coziness accommodates time for stillness and reflection so I am taking advantage of that today. Intentional, intense stillness before the face of God. The notion of actually hearing from God is presumptuous I know, but I am expectant and open to the mystery of it. Perhaps we will hear God through one another this day. I am listening.
There are a few (!) books I have read of late that affect and nourish my longing for greater wisdom and stillness to listen well. I list 3 of them here with a single quote from each.
Listening to the God who Speaks by Klaus Bockmuehl
“Being forgiven means overcoming the rigid and ossified status quo, thawing the ice so that the rivers of life can flow again. ‘Wash me…create in me a clean heart…’ (Psalm 51:7, 20) – a heart able afresh to perceive God’s leading. Forgiveness presupposes God’s regenerating work, and thus is the gateway to guidance. Guidance … is the fruit of change.” (pp. 40-41)
Lifesigns by Henri Nouwen
“Joy is always connected with movement, renewal, rebirth, change – in short, with life.” (p. 88)
Prayer by Hans Urs von Balthasar
“Practiced, experienced love suddenly realizes ‘So that is it!’ It is something marvelously simple and natural (even it if calls for heroism) because it is made for us, although on our own we would never have found it and been able to measure up to it….it is the essence of God himself, who gave his Son for us and poured his Spirit, which is the Spirit of love, into our hearts.” (p. 218)
Forgiveness. Joy. Love.
May you know each of these in full measure – and, in stillness, hear God speak into your heart and mind this January day.
Posted in Faith, Musings
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Reconnection
I want to reconnect with you and I hope you will be blessed by this little sharing of our memories over these past months, living in Vancouver, immersing ourselves in the Regent community and graduate studies. They reflect the values that shape me. I am learning that the same is true in reverse. Identity defines values. Blog writing is narcissistic by its very nature and I admit to a measure of that. Forgive, friends. I hope the overriding sense you get from reading here is one of warm welcome and joy in sharing at least a piece of life together. The rest in pictures.
Posted in Christmas, Family, Food, Grandparenting, Holidays, Home, Imagination, Regent College, Uncategorized
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An Honest Appraisal
Today the BC Yukon Women in Focus met in White Rock for their annual Autumn Celebration. Everything was perfectly arranged, the technical side of things worked well, there was sewing, singing, an inspiring message, great food, sweet conversations and a chocolate fountain! Who wouldn’t love that?
Mid-way through the afternoon the BCYT President, Kathy Cooper, introduced me so I could bring greetings from Baptist women across Canada. I intentionally sat in the back row and happened to find myself between two lovely and faithful saints. As I slipped my chair back to make my way to the front of the room, I excused myself assuring them I would return shortly. After I made my greetings from the podium, I took my seat and turned to the woman on my left. “How was that?” I said.
She said, “A small woman spoke from the front and it was lovely.”
The woman to my right, laughed out loud and said, “It was her!”
Yes, it was me, dear frieind, and I’m glad you didn’t know, because an honest appraisal is the best kind.
Posted in Aging, Community, Faith, Food, Girlfriends, Humility, Musings, Women in Focus
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Cheese Date
There is a lot of reading, writing and studying going on at Regent College and it is life-giving, no doubt about it.
Don’t let that fool you into thinking that it’s a no fun zone, though. Not at all.
In fact, today I had my first ever cheese date, in the Atrium with my new friend, Sarah. Others dropped by, of course. That’s just how it is when you open up 12 varieties of cheese, 2 kinds of crackers, a little duck pate, and add a Creamy Earl Grey to the mix. Yum!
Thank you, Sarah. It was the most fun cheese date I have ever had!
Posted in Creativity, Food, Learning, Play, Regent College
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Empathy and Mutuality
At Regent, I am learning that definitions are important. They give us a location from which to begin. May I?
Empathy is “the dynamic cognitive-affective process of joining with and understanding another’s subjective experience…In true empathetic exchange, each is both object and subject, mutually engaged in affecting and being affected, knowing and being known.” (Women’s Growth in Diversity by J.V. Jordan).
An example might help. Last weekend, we packed up the car and headed to Warm Beach, Washington for the annual Regent Retreat. As the weekend came to a close and campers were packing up, children gathered in the large hall to wait for parents. My granddaughter, Eilidh, and I settled on the couch to practice ‘sitting’ and in no time, were surrounded by a cluster of little girls. Eilidh’s mama came and collected her for a diaper change while I stayed behind to continue the delightful conversation. The girls asked if Eilidh was my baby. “Nope, I am her Grandma.”
One wee girl said, “My Grandma is in New Zealand and I miss her so much,” and climbed in beside me for a cuddle. I wrapped my arms around her and we snuggled for a bit before she scampered away to her own mama. Oh, sweetness!
Just as sweet is the beautiful story of Ruth and Naomi, where I find myself this evening.
Naomi’s empty arms made room for Ruth’s longing for connection and Ruth’s empathetic care freed Naomi to express her need to nurture and love. Theirs was a relationship of empathy and mutuality – fostering clarity, authenticity and intimacy, shaping one another in the exchange. A lovely, life-giving connection.
Conversely, when relationships are off balance, one party dominating the other, the experience is stagnation and inhibited growth at best, and violence at worst. The longing for connection is met with the reality of disconnection and both parties are devalued.
Empathy and mutuality move both persons toward wholeness, just like Ruth and Naomi. Even if incrementally, like my little friend and I at Warm Beach. It was one of the many and varied empathetic and mutually edifying encounters at the Regent Retreat. Lovely and life-giving!
Posted in Community, Faith, Grandparenting, Holidays, Learning, Musings, Play, Regent College
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What Grace
I wonder. Do you get anxious? Maybe try too hard and everything comes out wrong? You hear something come out of your mouth that isn’t you and try to stuff it back in but, of course, it’s much too late and all eyes are on you, thinking, “Can you believe she just said that?” It was one of those kinds of days.
I left my Island bed at 3:50 am, showered, drove in the dark to the ferry. Crossed over to Tsawwassen in 2 hours. Traffic was heavy and it took twice as long as usual from there to UBC. I arrived in time to pay for parking and squeak into class before the 9:00 bell. But, I was not in a quiet, contemplative space from which to contribute to discussion or hear or engage well at all.
Oh, I made judgments with too much emotion. My tone – lacking in formality for the setting – met with rolled eyes from one exasperated colleague. There went the last of my confidence and the rest was a downhill slide into sulkdom.
Three hours later, feeling like a stupid, middle aged hick, I got in my car and drove to an appointment, only to end up circling between arrivals, departures, and car rental returns at the airport. I meant to be in Steveston. Oh, for a bath and a hot cup of mint tea. Those hash-a-bonies (as my granddaughter calls them) were unwelcome company today; whispering nasty, tricksy, mean and awful things, as they do.
I am reminded of something my prof said in class not long ago. “We have a graced history”. As I look back on the day, I see it’s true. I met with my Spiritual Director this afternoon and the sweetness of the Spirit was alive and present between us. I was able to laugh at myself, feel the generous peace and overwhelming love of God, who does not judge me or roll His eyes at my ridiculousness. Together we affirmed the gifts that grow us up, however painful they are in the receiving. I need humility and making a fool of myself is one way to get there – though I wouldn’t recommend it.
In an hour, I will drive back to the ferry to collect my husband who thinks it worth his while to spend an overnight with me before he goes back to work nightshift tomorrow. Yes, I am broken and frail and stupid sometimes. But I am also compassionate, thoughtful, and kind. Always, I am loved. What grace!
Posted in Community, Faith, History, Humility, Learning, Regent College
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